Imagine yourself as a senior facing the prospect of entering assisted living.  That change would be daunting enough:  the vulnerability of dependence on others; the upset of a move; the loss of independence and privacy.

    I can't even take care of myself...!

Now imagine that, as a woman, the authorities have decided to place you in a home occupied only by men.  ...Or you're a man about to be placed in a residence for women.

    What?!!!     That's ridiculous!     You can't do that!

An elderly woman living in a sea of men would be a violation of privacy beyond comprehension.  What about modesty?  What about voyeurism and peeking?  What about soliciting, harassment or assault?

How many elderly women would look forward to gathering with the men beside the common-room TV on Superbowl Sunday?  How many bridge partners, sewing or quilting groups can she find in an all-male home?  How many close friendships will she expect to form?  Whom will she eat lunch with?

        And what rumors will fly when she does?

And how will the other residents react?  For most it would be an invasion of THEIR privacy.  They can't relax and be themselves.  They can't decide not to shave one day.  They have to curb their speech.  They can't share their favorite jokes.

        ...And for others having a woman around would mean whistles, catcalls and suggestive comments.  

Inevitably the all-male staff will try to re-assure their new resident:  It's not a big deal.  Just be a man.  Use the men's restroom and shower.  Learn to love football.  You can always wear a dress on Halloween.

Except being a woman is so much more than being allowed to wear a dress.  Just the suggestion shows an appalling misunderstanding of the issues involved.  Being a woman or being a man is the innermost core of a person's soul.  --it's interests, values, friendships, a way of living, a style of speech and behavior; a focus for life.

A senior placed into a wrong-gender home is a catastrophe for all involved.  Yet it happens all the time.  -- If the senior happens to be transsexual.

    A transsexual woman is a woman.  She's just like any other woman.  Except...  nobody believes it.


About one in a thousand women is born transsexual.  Transsexuality results whenever there's a switch in fetal hormones between weeks 3-6 of gestation-a switch caused by maternal stress, sickness or medications.   The brain develops one way;  the gonads develop another.

However these events are in the remote past when a transsexual is about to move into a senior residence.  There may have been concern about biology when the person was a child;  the concern may have been dealt with in a variety of ways:  the wrong-biology might have been corrected, but maybe the transsexual couldn't afford the medical visits.  Or perhaps the doctor simply refused to make the corrections.

    But all that happened decades ago.  Why does it matter now?

When people think about transsexuality they get caught in the whys and the should-nots.  The crucial point is not a transsexual's biologic details, but whether bystanders truly have a basis not to believe her. They think she's delusional-even though she displays good judgment in other matters.  The truth about her core identity is clearly evident and easily verified through testing. 

DO YOU BELIEVE?
Any thought of caring for transsexuals begins with a service provider's thorough examination in the mirror:

    What do YOU think a transsexual is?

A pathetic man in a dress?           Let's humor him as we laugh behind his back. He'll have to start out as a man 24/7, but hopefully he'll be able to wear a dress every so often as the residents grow used to it.

A "gender variant"?               ...Someone marching to a different drummer?   We'll have special training sessions for the other residents, so they understand.   Let's ship them off each day to a special place for such people.

A woman just like any other woman?         What do you mean, Which restroom should she use?  The women's, of course.  Are you blind?

    Does biology really determine a person's core essence?

            Is a woman any less of a woman after hysterectomy or mastectomy?  After menopause?

            Is a man any less of a man after prostate surgery or a motorcycle accident?

            Why would a transsexual be any different?


    How should anyone interact with their neighbor?  What human traits are the basis of human relationships?

            The person's core identity-values, interests, self-understanding, self-expression? 

            Or their biologic details?      

Do you really believe that God is interested in someone's biologic details?  Or is He concerned about a person's inner values;  whether they achieve full expression and development of their inner being?


Once a service provider realizes that transsexuals are human, the rest is easy.  A transsexual woman is just like any other woman;  a transsexual man is just like any other man.   Treat them that way.

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The bewildered resident arrived, surrounded by suitcases and stacks of boxes;  the sum total of seven decades of life and three children, now grown.  Trembling hands pulled a stack of signed papers from a  battered purse and placed them on the reception desk....

"Ah, Dorothy Smith.  Welcome to Happy Hills!  We heard all about you, and we're ready and eager to make your stay enjoyable....

"Uh, do you want to be called mister or misses?  Are you a 'he' or a 'she'?  We certainly want to get THAT right, don't we?  We'll make an announcement about your preference at the next resident's meeting.

"Just for you, we made a gender-neutral bathroom half-way down the hall on the second floor.  When we explained to all the other residents about how you were a special case, the people in that wing voted to donate one of theirs so you wouldn't have to decide which restroom to use.  Wasn't that nice of them?

"The arrangement saves the other residents from embarrassment, too.  I'm sure you understand that.

"We've arranged for our shuttle bus to take you every day to the Gay Center, so you can spend the whole day with your own kind.  We may be able to arrange for you to get all your meals there too.

"Your welfare is our only concern -- we have a firm non-discrimination policy.  The entire staff even took special training so they'd know just how to handle people like you.

"I'm sure you're going to love it here...."

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AND THEN THERE WERE ANDROGYNES...
Transsexuals are the most notorious and visible of the transgender population, but they make up only a tiny segment.  By far the largest group is the Androgynes -- people who used to be known as "Cross-dressers", even though it's not about clothes at all.  Butches are the biologic-female equivalent.

A butch is proud to female, even though she might sport a crew-cut and wear grease-stained baggy jeans.  A male androgyne is just the same:  thoroughly masculine and proud of it.  ...Except THEY occasionally dress and live as a woman.  They have a life-long innate female side that demands expression from time to time-maybe one day a week.  Just as there are a lot of butch females, there is an equivalent number of male androgynes;  about a quarter of the male population.

Androgynes are NOT transsexual wannabes.  They don't want surgery or hormones.  ...But they're harder for most people to understand:   How can someone chug beer with the bro's on Sunday while watching the Superbowl, then join the quilting group on Thursday?  --In a dress, no less!

    Butches do it all the time, without anyone batting an eye.

Because of prevailing intolerance, male androgynes have learned to carefully hide their female side.  They go behind carefully locked doors and closed shutters to read a book, watch TV or work at the computer.   ...In a female persona.

Some are more open.  They may go shopping with some friends or to a restaurant in their feminine persona.  Not every day;  maybe once or twice a month.

UNTIL they arrive in assisted living.  There aren't any locked doors or closed shutters there.  No true privacy.  The residence staff and neighbors will see a woman occasionally emerge from Jack's room who bears an uncanny resemblance to Jack.  A twin sister, perhaps?


CARING FOR ANDROGYNES
Providing support for an androgyne begins with the same soul-searching needed for working with transsexuals.

Why do I accept butch females but not male androgynes?

Do I impose my orthodoxy or appreciate the magnificence of human diversity?

Is this a handicap or an enhancement?  A barrier or a gateway?

What harm does it actually do?

Does the Bible prohibit expression of the inner soul, or does it prohibit deceit?

Do seniors in assisted living deserve respect for any remaining shreds of privacy and dignity?

Take the opportunity to learn more about the amazing experience of existence in both genders;  a gift once prized in a divinely-appointed mediator.


ANDROGYNOUS NEEDS
Being androgyne expresses a person's inner essence.  It has nothing to do with sexual arousal.  It's not a public display or social protest.  What any androgyne needs is opportunity--in secret if necessary;  how often depends on the individual.  An androgyne's dream is to be fully integrated into mainstream male society, say, 6 days a week;  and full integration into female society on the remaining day.  "He" for six days;  "she" for one.

An individual that switches between genders can be disconcerting for the others--even if they're totally affirming:   Let's see, are you "John" or "Joan" today?  Do I say "he" or "she"?   Sometimes it can be like having a relationship with two totally different people:  John likes football, while Joan likes quilting.  Joan may not even want to talk about football or hunting.

One possible solution might be to have most of Joan's outings take place outside of the residence, so staff & residents develop a relationship with John only.  It's not a dirty secret;  John or Joan are not being excluded.  The goal is for John to form the best possible relationships within the Residence.  And of course the choice up to John.

Some residences have once-a-week special-dress days, so everybody is in a different costume -- Joan doesn't stick out at all.  In the 17th century they'd have days when EVERYONE had to adopt an alternate-gender persona.  The experience can be quite enlightening for the intolerant:  the shoe's now on the other foot;  Joan is in right-gender expression while everyone else is wrong-gender.

The greatest reward for a transgender-affirming policy can be when Harry & Frank feel safe enough to reveal that they're androgynes too.  So Joan, Harriet and Francis unite to go shopping together each Thursday.